Thursday, December 17, 2009

Mending Wall

One of my favorite poems is "Mending Wall" by Robert Frost.  In addition to loving the beauty of its natural rhythm, I can relate to the speaker's frustration at not being able to get his message through to his neighbor.  (There where it is we do not need the wall: He is all pine and I am apple orchard. My apple trees will never get across and eat the cones under his pines, I tell him....He only says, 'Good fences make good neighbors'....I wonder If I could put a notion in his head: 'Why do they make good neighbors? Isn't it where there are cows? But here there are no cows. Before I built a wall I'd ask to know what I was walling in or walling out, and to whom I was like to give offence. Something there is that doesn't love a wall that wants it down.') 

His neighbor, living life on a more perfunctory and surface level than the speaker, cannot even begin to understand the futility of his actions (He moves in darkness as it seems to me~ Not of woods only and the shade of trees).  It is saddening to know what won't exist, because of the neighbor's inability, fear, disbelief or mindless, comfortable routine (He will not go behind his father's saying, and he likes having thought of it so well, he says again, "Good fences make good neighbors.")

It has been argued that people like him go through life just fine, not needing or wanting true intimacy, not creating much depth in their relationships, preferring to swim in the safe and calm, but shallow waters (We keep the wall between us as we go.)  Maybe so.

But I am not one of them.



Mending Wall

Something there is that doesn't love a wall,
That sends the frozen-ground-swell under it,
And spills the upper boulders in the sun,
And makes gaps even two can pass abreast.
The work of hunters is another thing:
I have come after them and made repair
Where they have left not one stone on a stone,
But they would have the rabbit out of hiding,
To please the yelping dogs. The gaps I mean,
No one has seen them made or heard them made,
But at spring mending-time we find them there.
I let my neighbor know beyond the hill;
And on a day we meet to walk the line
And set the wall between us once again.
We keep the wall between us as we go.
To each the boulders that have fallen to each.
And some are loaves and some so nearly balls
We have to use a spell to make them balance:
'Stay where you are until our backs are turned!'
We wear our fingers rough with handling them.
Oh, just another kind of out-door game,
One on a side. It comes to little more:
There where it is we do not need the wall:
He is all pine and I am apple orchard.
My apple trees will never get across
And eat the cones under his pines, I tell him.
He only says, 'Good fences make good neighbors'.
Spring is the mischief in me, and I wonder
If I could put a notion in his head:
'Why do they make good neighbors? Isn't it
Where there are cows?
But here there are no cows.
Before I built a wall I'd ask to know
What I was walling in or walling out,
And to whom I was like to give offence.
Something there is that doesn't love a wall,
That wants it down.' I could say 'Elves' to him,
But it's not elves exactly, and I'd rather
He said it for himself. I see him there
Bringing a stone grasped firmly by the top
In each hand, like an old-stone savage armed.
He moves in darkness as it seems to me~
Not of woods only and the shade of trees.
He will not go behind his father's saying,
And he likes having thought of it so well
He says again, "Good fences make good neighbors."



(Click to enlarge)

Talk, talk, talk

You didn't meant to say it.  It just slipped out.  Everybody knows how it feels when the gossip engine is in full swing, when the camaraderie of shared complaints and put-downs makes you say things you promised yourself not to --- little tidbits you'd been told in confidence, jokes and jabs you toss out for public enjoyment [or to vent frustration] though you'd never speak them right to someone's face.  We all understand.

But knowing that we all understand doesn't make it [good for relationships or our own well-being.]  And working harder to bite your lip next time only provides temporary relief.  "Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks" (Matt. 12:34) --- so that if we want our words (or our silence) to be [caring, uplifting, positive], we must change our attitudes to match.

So...want to withstand the urge to sling the next insult?  Then try [understanding the unmet needs, hurting places of] the person who irritates you.  Want to never make another idle remark at another's expense?  [Pray for a loving heart, patience, and compassion.  Pray for guidance in seeing what unresolved issues might be behind another's words or actions.  Pray for tolerance.  Pray for the wisdom to identify what are others' issues and what are your own.....and pray for help with your own, for those are the only ones you can change.  Pray for the loving attitude and words to approach people when problems or hurts arise, so that understanding, peace and forgiveness might take root.  Don't bury issues, as that only causes resentment, passive-aggressive behavior and emotional wall-building.  And pray for an open heart and attitude so that others' may approach you, in kind.]

[And after praying for those things has become a constant in your life, pray for the strength not to let others' hurtful words or actions diminish your self-esteem.  Pray for the wisdom of discerning who is growing by personal insight and/or prayer and resolve to keep company with those people, instead of surrounding yourself with people who are negative, defensive, or closed to real intimacy.  Be accepting of and kind to the latter, but inspired and supported by the former.]

(from The One Minute Bible, edited with my words in brackets)